Aug. 5th, 2009 09:15 am
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
Summer is good for many things, not least of all that when you get late-night phone calls to cheer you up, you can stand outside in the quiet suburbian world & watch the moon while you listen. I like that.


Feb. 16th, 2008 03:22 pm
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
For future reference--when I'm feeling down or unhappy--let me just remember this weekend, so far.

Let me remember real brainstorming sessions where we feel intelligent and productive and helpful. Let me remember free lunches with adults who treat me as one of them.

Let me remember, even more than that, incredible rehearsals with two brilliant actors who give it their all, who are hilarious and earnest, where I'm on top of every question & they're on top of everything they try, where when we finish we don't finish but instead wander off still talking to each other, where they tell me how much they like my direction & make me feel warm and happy.

Let me remember going to see theater with family & friends, funny, bright theater with gorgeous costumes and wonderful lines. Let me remember staying up late with candles lit on either side of an ouija board, my fingers getting cold. Let me remember staying up even later with popcorn and Slings & Arrows & the best roommate in the world.

Let me remember sleeping late, with no place to be, waking up to sunlight, having time for breakfast, calling friends in far away places & hearing their voice. Let me remember walking through my city with the sun bright & the air chilly but starting to feel like spring, & let me remember poetry workshop sessions with people who damn well know what they're talking about. Let me remember love of the allencompassing worldly variety, of the kind that makes me smile for no particular reason at all. Let me remember this.

(After all, in a universe like this,, how can you not love the world?)
pipistrellafelix: (actress)
This morning, though a long coincidence, I re-found the blog of a former writing teacher of mine, Shauna, who has chronicled in this blog her love of food, reformed into gluten-free cooking, since she found out she had celiac disease--posting recipes and photos and sharing herself with the world. She is of course a beautiful writer, & I spent at least an hour wandering through her posts, remembering her, reading her gorgeous prose about the sensations of food and her adoration of her nephew, and her infinite love for her fiance, a chef--all of her stories lend me a indescribable glow.
It probably didn't hurt that the sun was out and shining gloriously today, & it was warm enough that I didn't wear my coat to school; or that dance class this morning was full of slightly tentative and awkward joy at discovering improv and our own movements in space; or that my shoes are wearing down to the point where I could feel the ground, whether concrete or dirt, beneath my feet when I walked; or that I had to squint when I walked home because of the brightness of the spring light.
Shauna's posts made me want to continue past my apartment and wander through Pike Place and gather food and create something--or to build something with my hands, or to ride a ferry in the sunshine or craft a poem, or pick up my guitar or recorder or to sing; or go back to dancing again.

Instead I'm afraid what I have to craft is this application essay, which is proving harder than it should be. I'm mired between cliches and pretentious language and inability to express what I want--which is Oh, please, I want so much to study at your school & learn things I never knew & to explore your town & your city & your country--in language that will make me look desirable as a student, rather than desperate. Ah well...Shauna would tell me to just sit down and write it, & make myself write a crappy first draft, & then return to it with gusto and fix everything again and again and again. So. Here we go.

(The blog, in case you're interested, is this: Gluten-Free Girl. Go take a look.)
pipistrellafelix: (kaylee)
Remember this--although I went through most of the day slightly disoriented, a little upset--still, the evening was all loveliness. This evening was a passover seder, hosted by Cozy at Katie & Colleen's apartment; it was the tastiest matzo ball soup I've ever had, and drama kids sitting around coffee tables and couches and making terrible jokes and laughing at everything; it was pot roast (which everyone said was incredible), and very sweet wine and sparkling grape juice. It was a seder with parsley and saltwater and everything else that I probably can't spell properly; with lots of blessings and drinking and eating; and with the mos beautiful toast, a toast to being grateful for, among other things, love, peace, friends, clean pajamas, toes and hands and ears and breasts, caresses, wine, and many other good things on this earth.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
Is it wrong to find one of the choir singers for Compline incredibly gorgeous? ...yeah. Probably. But, well. He is.

He was in the Tudor Choir as well, which is where I noticed him, last night. That concert was AMAZING. Forty-voiced choirs who hit notes spot on and blend harmonies like strawberries and cream...it makes my wings come out.

Tomorrow I am spending two hours playing Ultimate. I need exercise. I think it will fix me.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
There is a table spread with comfort foods ranging from latkes to mac and cheese to shrimp and naan, and it is set and lit by candles and there are people sitting around it that I love so so dearly. And there is conversation and laughing and impromptu birthday cake and dancing, and... Suffice to say it was a beautiful evening.

And now I am torn between lovely warm happiness from that and aggravated sadness from having so much bloody homework. So I'm going to read and go to bed.

But I love you so so much.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
My lack of words is made up by Augustine, today: for the school hallways, the late nights at Katt's house, the plays at the Bathhouse, the parties, the drama, the love. I found this quote yesterday and spent a good few minutes re-reading it and thinking, Yes, exactly.

There were other things which occupied my mind in the company of my friends: to make conversation, to share a joke, to perform mutual acts of kindness, to read together well-written books, to share in trifling and serious matters, to disagree though without animosity--just as a person debates with himself--and in the very rarity of disagreement to find the salt of normal harmony, to teach each other something or to learn from one another, to long with impatience for those absent, to welcome them with gladness on their arrival. These and other signs come from the heart of those who love and are loved and are expressed through the mouth, through the tongue, through the eyes, and a thousand gestures of delight, acting as fuel to set our minds on fire and out of many to forge unity.

-St. Augustine, Confessions, IV, vii


Aug. 6th, 2004 07:23 pm
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
You know how sometimes when you fall in love, you go weak at the knees and your head goes fuzzy?
I'm not talking about a hot boy for Anna. Ooh no. Two things, actually. Yesterday it was the reading room at the British Library--a huge circular room with the walls literally lined with books, two floors high, the cieling a skylight, the smell of old books permeating the air and in my nostrils and ears and mouth. I literally went weak at the knees and stood there in glory-hallelujah-devotion for about three minutes.

Today was the Dodo--at the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich, the first boat you come across as you walk in, is a small one-masted, jib-sailed little boat, about 12 feet long and beauteous as anything. I stopped and stared and said, 'that's my boat.' And my parents laughed and I said, 'no, I mean it, that's my boat.' And it was. Painted red and blue and with oars, and a mizzenmast and a large sail (what's it called when there's a second mast about a foot down from the top of the main mast, making about a thirty degree angle with the mizzen? Gives you more sail footage without a taller mast). She's mine. She's exactly the boat I have in my head, she's the boat that L'ucello was based on (but probably less leaky), she's the boat I am utterly in love with. My dad says we can look for the plans, and mentioned she's the perfect size for Lake Union. Forget Marimbas. I'm building a boat. My own real L'ucello.

Anyway...no more falling in love for me. I go fuzzy all day. Also this morning we saw the Cutty Sark, a fully restored China tea clipper--not Dodo-devotion (har), but a gorgeous boat all the same. I must say I prefer schooners (and the Lady Washington) but she was quite a beautiful boat indeed. We got lunch at an organic deli in Greenwich, I had a mozzarella and tomato ciabatta melt which for some reason was very very good. And Green & Black's Chocolate Orange ice cream. Bliss.

As for my weird soul-searching thing (which I got triggered for by Anneka I think, but apparently triggered a whole lot more)...thanks to everyone who responded. You are all fantastic. It's hard to express how much love and admiration I have for you all but I will certainly try. I think you know.
My parents got a book of foreign words which we don't have words for in English. 'Confianza' is Spanish, and means an unshakeable reliance and trust in someone. The author writes, 'unconditional love is to love as confianza is to trust.' I have both. I love you.


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