pipistrellafelix: (Default)
Rabbit rabbit, June! I am very much looking forward to summer, especially if the weather would just..y'know, be summery. Biking to work in the rain = not the best idea I've ever had, particularly when it only takes about ten more minutes to walk, and I can get slightly less damp that way. Oh Seattle. Your weather is so...weathery.

In other news, I'm back from New York! A while ago! I do this disappearing-from-LJ thing fairly regularly now, apparently. Anyway. New York = lovely, and architecture oh so pretty, and warm, and has TRAINS. Geez, I miss the subway already. The idea of a regularly running and fairly reliable public transit system independent of traffic? GORGEOUS. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and shake some sense into the city council whenever it was that they turned down lightrail thirty-odd years ago. Oh well.

Elsa and I saw A Behanding in Spokane--my only theater I saw there, being both busy and poor*--but it was fascinating. McDonagh's writing seems to be shifting now that he's spending a good deal of time in the States; it felt like his dialogue style was in the middle of a morph from Irish to American. Rather bizarre. Also the play was far less bloody but possibly far more offensive than his others, which is another interesting change. Oh McDonagh.

[*Holy crap half price tickets for "Next to Normal" were sixty-some dollars. Jeeez, New York. I'm not made of cash.]

On the note of theater and analysis, I'm applying for ACT's literary internship...I hear Friday, possibly Monday. I did a day of mental hand-wringing and flittering about and then thought, Oh, you're being particularly idiotic today, just say yes for god's sake. So I did, and went in to talk to Anita Montgomery on Tuesday, and now am waiting in hope!

I have an audition for Stone Soup's generals Sunday night, rehearsals for Styx start Monday (agh, so excited), and I'm helping run SPT's generals next week. Theater on the brain, as always.


I adopted rats! There are two girls, one black named Valentine and one white named Timbo. They are both silly and terrified of my parents, but seem to be adjusting to me okay. Right now they are making a heinous amount of noise above my head, lovely nocturnal beasties that they are. Today I sat on the couch and read for a little while before class and they ran around and snuffled at me and Val tried to eat my jeans. It's good to have animals back in the house.

CIRCUS TRAINING & other artsy stuff
Simonne started a weekly class at Emerald City, which means higher ceilings, which means we can learn terrifying things instead of mildly scary things, oh goody. I tried double-star drop last week, totally bungled it, and didn't try again this week--but I did spend all class training on all the things you need to be good at before you can really do double-star. I just want to get there so I don't ever have to do single-star again because jeez, that one hurts a lot.
I'm getting stronger--it's slow going (hey, lady, maybe if you did any physical training other days of the week?), but it's so fantastic. I want to do circus things all the time! I saw a lot of circusy street performers at Folklife, and realized the only bad thing about aerial is that it's sort of...not portable, as a skill. I mean, I can't aerial on the street for show like you could juggle. Oh well-just means I'll have to learn something else, too.

Speaking of Folklife, Jamie Laval is my hero and Bowin Smoke is breathtaking and that's that.

Also I miss dancing and am thinking about heading back to contra on Fridays...? Salsa, too, I promised the Nathan Hale kids we'd go. And ballet class starts soon, every Wednesday morning this summer! Ooo, I am going to be so danceriffic. And yes, that is a word.

Still totally obsessed. Finally watched last week's episode, all I can say is OH MY GOD RORY. WHY. ALSO, TARDIS SIGN WHAT? THIS IS NOT GOOD.

Okay, this is becoming long and ridiculous so I should go sleep (I just caught up on Glee, too). Oh, lj...you are such a weird space to write rambles. Hello again.
pipistrellafelix: (come into my lab)
Random thought for the day, while I wait for my remote-desktop TI to send several hundred emails:

Every so often I think how cool it would be if we had a society in which negotiating and bargaining was an accepted form of economic exchange. My particular version today is that I'm sitting in Oddfellows, having very lovely tea and a tasty breakfast pannini with cheddar and bacon and tomato and egg on top (yum). It's really delicious, and I will be the first to tell you that I really enjoy bacon on my breakfast. However this bacon is pretty salty, and I'm not too fussed about bacon this morning; I would be happy to have the sandwich without it.
So wouldn't it be nifty if it was totally acceptable to just go up to order and say, Hey, I'd like the breakfast sandwich but without bacon for two dollars less, and then the cashier would say, Okay, but how about this other price, and then we'd negotiate based on whatever the price of bacon was that day.
Maybe I'm weird, but I think that would be pretty cool.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
Slept till noon. Had very strange dreams that I only remember bits of (sometime, I need to write down the dream I had recently about an invasion, and all of us putting on other people's clothes+souls that became wings we could fly on to defeat our enemies with cleverness and little else). Went to Kate's and choreographed our new elf medley, our singing telegram for Valentine's day. Came home. Ate dinner (I have been obsessed with kale, recently--I can't get enough of it). Thought about going out, and realized I really didn't want to... so instead I spent the evening with wine, chocolate cake and the first two specials of the tenth Doctor (the ones after season four. I'm still waiting for the next two, but Zoe is a goddess for getting them to me). Now I'm watching Torchwood--into S2, which is better than S1 already.

Yesterday: Burned myself on a curling iron (it looks like a hickey, only it came from a beauty product and not kissing), went to work, copied and scanned lots of scripts and panicked about the auction. Met Charlotte for coffee! Which was wonderful and co-commiseraty. Went across the street and met Perez and Michelle and J'Keren; we got sushi and sake to celebrate him not being employed anymore, and then Perez and I went back to his apartment and watched Office Space which is appropriate. And then we practiced self-defense moves so now a little part of me wants someone to attack me just so I can kick ass.

Otherwise...I'm getting bits and pieces together for SMing, and starting to organize everything I need--the more I do and prepare, the less overwhelming the entire job feels. Which is, y'know, not at all surprising. Preparation is key, and I should do it more often.

Oh Torchwood, your writing is getting so much better! Second best explanation of time (after the Doctor's "timey-wimey device" line):
Captain Jack: *holds up piece of paper* Linear time. *crumples paper and throws it* Screwed up time. Any questions?
Also, pretty much everything Ianto says ever becomes my new favorite line. Owen: "Let's all have sex." Ianto: "And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse."
pipistrellafelix: (the doctor)
Good lord what a weekend...I keep doing this thing with my life, where I feel like I'm really really busy but if I look at it I feel like I'm not actually doing anything. Anyone else? Privileged middle class first world problems? (I think so.)

In any case: Friday I spent waaaay too long fighting with printers. I'm afraid I behaved badly for a work environment, but then so did they. BOTH PRINTERS. One out of toner despite my McGyvering it into printing more three times, and the other would jam literally every single page it tried to print. Given that I was trying to print programs for a show that night, this was, well, dumb. I brought a few programs over, and went to see You Never Can Tell, the SPT kids' show--it was cute, and they were clearly having a lot of fun. (Seriously...I knew some of these kids when they came up to my knee, almost literally. I am becoming an adult. I am becoming a person Kids Look Up To. I only hope this is useful when I SM at a highschool!)

Post-the play, I went over to Gabe's with Elliott, Zoe, Kayla and Kaya. We ate a little food, I played with one of Gabe's enormous dogs, and his sister's crow Stella, who was fascinated by my shiny shoes and even more so by the key on a chain that I pulled out from under my shirt. Oh Stella (STELLLLAA) I love you! It was so strange to see a creature I normally see everywhere outside, being wild, inside on someone's bed, just hangin' out in a room. In a house. Although it just confirmed my (illegal sans permit) desire to raise a crow and teach it awesome tricks and ways to communicate with me and we will be secret partners in crime. Or something like that. And then I went back out to Capitol Hill, where I found a posse of the SU crowd at Barca and got to see people, which is always good.

Saturday I ran about trying to make more copies--which I succeeded in, no thanks to the printers at the office--and then spent a little time just reading at home, before getting all dolled up in Talia's summer Elf costume. It's yellow! And adorable! I can't wait to get one of my own--my color will be royal blue, and the costume is rain boots, striped tights, a skirt over a fluffy white petticoat, white shirt, and shrug, plus umbrella. Adorable. I met up with Sprinkles and Roxie, and we went to what might be my favorite elf event so far--guest callers at Gay Bingo for Lifelong Aids Alliance. So much fun! We watched the first half, sipping cocktails, and then did our little medley as a second-act opener and called the bingo numbers. Roxie and I harmonized some of the numbers, and all three of us chatted with Alexa Manila, the fabulous MC; the crowd was enormous and raucous and fun, and the space was amazing--we were in Fremont Studios, which I didn't even know existed but know I really want to use it for something. It's the old TV studios--they have all these old sets crammed into the back room, and a WB Seattle 22 sign against a wall, and huge open spaces--it feels very classy and like we're important, because we're on a TV set. Really this is all in my head but I don't care--it was tons of fun.

Then back to the hill to see NIKKI! Nikki, my old roommate from junior year, who was back for just the weekend, and it was so good to see her. I went to Chao, where they host no-cover dance nights every Saturday. A bunch of SU kids were there, and Nikki (hooray!) and we danced and drank and partied until late. (We were going to head to the Cuff after Chao closed, but the cover was $15 for ladies...no thank you.)

Sunday...I slept till noon. And was slightly hungover, and remembered why I don't drink very much usually. Oh well! Perez and I combated hangover by going to get ingredients and making a giant pancake, strawberries and bacon breakfast/lunch and then watching the entirety of the second season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia which someone had burned for him. Yeah, I know... it was an entirely useless day.

BUT I am back to being ON TARGET today. At work, being useful, and then going home where I will be useful on personal things like prepping for SMing and being organized. Yep. Go me.

New Decade!

Jan. 2nd, 2010 02:50 pm
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
I try not to be materialistic and money oriented, but I will freely admit that counting an enormous pile of cash that was generated by a project that I directed makes me really pleased. In any case, the New Year's Eve show of Compleat Wks went ridiculously well; the house was packed beyond fire-hazard status, with people sitting on laps and standing in the aisles. The show itself was hilarious and everyone loved it and there was much laughter and silliness and joy and it was such a perfect way to transition to a new year.
After the show & strike, Perez and I briefly stopped by a friend's place and then spent the rest of NYE at Talia's, partying with the elfy friends and watching fireworks from her strategically placed windows and drinking stupidly tasty cocktails (St Germaine + champange + lime = yes please).

And then I slept in, and then had people over to my house last night, for latkes (Philip is the latke king) and snacks and board games, which was actually more like trivia, but still geeky and fabulous. So far 2010 is being really good to me! Only two days, but they're nice relaxing days.

I don't know that I want to do any end-of-year recap things, really; I'm very much excited about starting a new year and moving forward, and while I know that the slate doesn't get wiped clean in anything more than a chronological way, the metaphor is still good to dwell on. In 2009 I did a lot of things, mostly pretty good, some not as good; a lot of things happened to me, some pretty good and some really frustrating. It was a year. It's over. And I'm ready for the next one.

I sort of have resolutions, and some things that I know will happen in any case, so in no particular order:
my rambling plan for the year )

2010 will be my year of awesome. I am committed to this. I know there's going to be some frustrating things coming up, but overall I am going to make this good. Bring it on, new decade.

Oh, and in 2010 I will also be ready for the zombie apocalypse. You know, just in case.
pipistrellafelix: (come into my lab)
I'm still alive!

I finished my last show ever at Seattle U. I absolutely cried during warm ups, because I am a sap, & several of us nearly lost it during Miranda, but it was a really good show overall & I am happy to go out with this one.

Miranda is of course not done as we have been recording it all over the place trying to find the right sound--tonight we try the Vachon room, which should be perfect.

St Iggy's chapel at night without lights is really pretty, though, even if the sound didn't work as well we'd have liked.

Ragnarok proceeds apace--we have thrown in microphones & these kids are rockin' out like nobody's business. It's gonna be awesome. Now if I could get the guy to print the damn postcards....

Classes are good. On to Lear which is depressing as hell but so well-written. Really need to start working on that term paper, yowza. Also need to start working on my final project for Business of Art. Plus the homework he gave us yesterday. Pffft. Homework. I'm so over this! Ah well...

I graduate in, uh, three weeks? Approximately? ajlbaslbjadjlf.


May. 11th, 2009 01:28 pm
pipistrellafelix: (theater)
So our first weekend is over! Last night went really well (I felt like I did the best so far).

I feel like all I talk about anymore is how tired I am but it's so true....gah. I don't know if I have ever been so consistently exhausted before. Yikes. I skipped class this morning (which I feel horrible about), but I was moving so slowly that it was impossible to get anywhere. What else is going on. The news of me....

* Still plugging away at that history paper. I feel good about it, it's just taking a while since I am writing it in stolen moments.

* Still working on Ragnarok--we had our first rehearsal with the band yesterday & it went really well, so I'm excited for that! Also, facebook event is up. Invite all your friends, it's gonna be rocking.

* Have been eating a lot of curried chicken salad, which is really tasty. Also not drinking enough water. I should get on that.

* I managed to run into a column in the parking garage today, go me. Myself & Melinda are fine, I just scraped the side--but now both little metal lines on the car side are gone. Well, both are in the trunk & need to be reattached. & I need to get new wiper blades. & probably change the oil soon. Oh lord. Cars.

* I won an award! The Hickey Award, which makes me think of a) the yarn shop in Dublin with that name & b) kissing. Apparently this is a big deal although I had not heard about it until the day I won, but I am pretty proud of myself. TJ (the other recipient) & I get to lead the processional at graduation, which, uh, is sort of intimidating & cool.

I should get back to work. Historrrrry!
pipistrellafelix: (come into my lab)
This is a reminder to myself to remember that everything I am doing--even when it becomes frustrating or when I am musically illiterate or reduced to tears or when I am stuck or confused--everything I am doing is amazing and I am so, so lucky to be able to do all of it; especially since a huge percentage of it is directly related to what I want to do with my life, namely, theater. It's all good. It really is.
pipistrellafelix: (come into my lab)
All right, I enjoy good April Fool's jokes, believe me, but snow? --is just not on. I am not a fan of the weather today--particularly after the beautiful sunny days we had over the weekend.

However. Other than the weather, things are going pretty well. Oh, & I have a cold--so my nose is stuffy & my head is congested & I sound either really husky & sexy or like a froggy freak, depending on your point of view. But other than those two, things are good! For real!

+ Speaking of April Fool's jokes I DO love: Gmail's new Autopilot feature and Google's CADIE. Check out CADIE's homepage. Beware pandas & terrifying music. :D

+ I went to the library on Monday & actually found a huge amount of information & I know where to go next to get more. This is exciting. I also had an inkling of a vague thesis last night, so I think I am on the right track. At the moment I am learning tons about Florence and Burton James and the the Seattle Repertory Playhouse & how fantastic it was. It's pretty exciting.

+ Shakespeare class is awesome. We talked about Merchant of Venice today & the class is full of people who talk & who are intelligent. I am thrilled about this! (Included in those people are several actor-types--Elspeth, Sean, Casey & Wilfred.) Plus I just adore Bill Taylor. What a man.

+ Business of Art I am not sure about--since most of our class yesterday was taken up by a potential teacher candidate teaching a sample class, which, by the way, was fantastically awesome! It was all about sound & how we perceive it & then about her own art work & she was really interesting & I hope she gets hired. Anyway, it looks like BizArt is going to be partly really useful information, partly the sort of class I have to put a lot of myself into to get things out of it (not that this is bad), & partly some frustrating & pointless discussions...we'll see. I am an optimist.

+ I bought new sweatpants yesterday because they were on sale & they are super comfortable & I love them.

+ My schedule is really good. I have not gotten into the insanity of rehearsal yet, but 10am is a good time for morning classes, & I love having T/Th mornings free--it means I can actually work out (I did yoga yesterday morning & now all my muscles are screaming), or do homework, or be productive. Or sleep, if I really need it. Awesome.

+ Today is burgerama at Deluxe. Yum.


So, y'know...I just need to get rid of this cold & get the weather to be a little bit more like April (seriously--just a few degrees warmer, okay? & maybe a little less rain? or at least some sunshine while you're raining?), & everything will be peachy.
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
I didn't do much this weekend...I have this terrible habit of planning to be all productive & then mostly sleeping in & watching Battlestar Galactica.

Saturday I baked things--two loaves of bread & a batch of savory muffins (avocado, shallot, cheese; would be even better with bacon, which will happen next time). & then I went to the international dinner, where Andrew, Lucy, David & our new friend Prof Neil of the math department made up the nerd end of the table. We talked about BSG & other nerdy things & it was fun. & then Andrew & I went to his friend's birthday party at Capitol Club, where I nearly fell asleep on the cushions & then got told off by the waitress for sleeping. Oh well.

I was at rehearsal most of Sunday, where I ran fight call (25 minutes; I'm pretty sure we can cut that down), watched some of the show (it's coming together) & wrote a bunch on Ragnarok. Then Perez & I made a huge bowl of guacamole & watched some of the superbowl & then BSG. (That is pretty much all I watch these days, & that is okay with me.)

Today I met with Kyna at the BH & she took some headshots (yay) & I have been very unproductive all day otherwise. Sigh.

I DID however get a slot for TPS auditions! AND found monologues--Perez & I spent Sunday night going over plays & finding things.

Tomorrow I am going to be productive. I swear. I should also go to bed now, so I don't sleep in again tomorrow...
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
I have just wilted myself in the bath. Two and a half hours? Way too long.

Reminder: next time I take a nice relaxing bath, don't read an entire novel during it, okay? Stop earlier! Jeez. (Granted, it was a fairly short novel, but still.)

I am so dehydrated....!

It was nice though! Just...long. Oy!
pipistrellafelix: (university of hamleting)
I got to SEE people! It was fantastic. I went to Lewis' condo briefly, & saw many people (including Alex, who stupidly is leaving today, so boo, & Liz & Mike, who thankfully are not), & then went to Ballard & saw Zoe (& ate her cupcake leftovers*) & Kaya & Gabe & Anna & Abbey. Oh joy! & then we saw Dearboy, & they rocked--as usual. I have one of their songs stuck in my head. Anna & talked about how we really want to be in a band & how we were never that cool in highschool. Oh woe.

[*"Cupcake Leftovers" should probably be a band name.]

& then Jared & Elsa picked me up & I spent the night at Elsa's, where we read abridged-scripts & parodies of various things, & then watched most of a bootlegged copy of Twilight. Guys....it really is that bad. For real, it really is. I cannot even tell you. Broody McBrooderton Sparkle Twinkletoes & his Mary Sue Special Snowflake Girlfriend. It's hilarious! I mean, it's very pretty--I'll grant you that. & I can see, believe me, why it is so popular--because nearly every girl of a certain age wants to be Bella. & it's very lustful & chastely pornographic. But. But...it's so ridiculous!

...is it bad that I want to see it again, in a better quality picture? Ok, Edward =/= my type (I prefer vampires with brains instead of intolerable angst), but he is prettification, & it is funny. Oh dear. I am lost.

Elsa tried to make me read the books. Help! Heeeelllp!

& we also talked script this morning, adding in a scene that I am terrifically excited for. I get to break up fights! & defend my honor! & drop ungraded papers to the floor in shock! Oh, goody! :D

Anyway. I am in a sort of absurdly good mood for how little sleep I got (I am probably running on adrenaline) & also I have mightily abused exclaimation points in this post, for which I apologize; please don't hold this against me.

I am going to go be productive now. Or possibly eat more cottage cheese. I am not sure.
pipistrellafelix: (obama)
Christmas was lovely...for the Eve, the parents & I usually go out to a movie & dinner, & then midnight (or 11pm anyway) mass at St. Mark's on the hill. This year, of course, that was a no-go--we're snowed in, & nobody wanted to attempt a (possible!) bus ride back from Capitol Hill at 1am. Instead we walked to Royal Palm & had Thai food (tasty, definitely not as good as Rom Mai--I felt like I was cheating on Toy*) & then watched two videos: Hamlet 2, & The Man In The Chair.
All I have to say about Hamlet 2 is that it would have been a fantastic movie if they had rewritten the script about five times. Also, the song "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" is amazing.
The Man in the Chair, however, was fantastic--Christopher Plummer as an old gaffer in Hollywood in an old-folks home for movie crew people helping a highschool kid make a movie for a film school scholarship contest. It sounds really cheesy, but it was incredible!

Christmas day also = lovely. I slept in, & got good presents & gave the parents exactly what they asked for, which makes it a) easy & b) satisfying. I got The Graveyard Book (which I read in about two hours & LOVED), a small plush raven that makes raven-like noises when you squeeze it (which I cannot stop hugging, proving once again that I am never too old for stuffed animals), earring backs (prompting a round of earring-making; if you want dangly earrings? I'm your girl, just let me know & yes I'm being serious), & coupons for various things including drinks with my dad & money toward a new audio device of some kind. Emily & her mom Jan came over for Christmas dinner--finally I get to see her again! Yes. Also, food was fantastic & we all stuffed ourselves, nom nom. After they left I watched "Project Mythos," which Allie & I made years ago, which probably needs a post in itself. Suffice to say it is still as awesome as I remember, although we really needed better sound equipment.

Today I saw Melissa! It was fantastic. We ate lunch at the Crumpet Shop & then "fake-shopped" downtown, which is pretty much what I do in stores--go in, look at pretty clothes, & not buy them. It was really good to catch up with her, though, & wander around downtown.

Now I am half-watching Twelfth Night (a Christmas present to myself) & half-cleaning my room (which needs it soooo badly...). Back to work!

[*Toy is the owner of Rom Mai Thai on Broadway, which is, hands down, the best Thai restaurant I have ever eaten at. Everything I've had there is brilliant. Also, if you like spicy food, they will actually make it spicy. I like mine about 3 on a scale of 1-5, but since Perez likes his about 12 on a scale of 1-5, this works out well for him. He actually started at 8 & has been working his way up, trying to reach the ranks of this Indian woman who apparently eats there at 25 stars. Anyway, we go there about once a month or more, & Toy & all the waiters know us. It's pretty fabulous. & now I don't like to eat at any other Thai restaurant. It's just not as awesome.]
pipistrellafelix: (happy)
So I have been really stressed lately...I feel overwhelmed with coursework even though none of it is terribly difficult (there's just a ridiculous amount). I'm working on too many projects, which means that most of them fall by the wayside when I'd really rather be devoting time to them. So I am going to not whine or bitch, but instead make a list of things I am happy about--because there's really plenty of those too, I just forget about them. So here we go: things that make me happy:

- Peter Sellers.

- The fact that Peter Sellars came to SU last weekend & he is the most incredible man ever. I mean, I just...I spent an hour being yelled to (not yelled at, it's different) about theater & art & why we actually do it, how this is a perfect time to be an artist, during the collapse of a nation, how to make really extraordinary art (not just good art)...I need to write down everything he said somewhere.* Also, Perez & I talked to him afterwards** & told him about LERT and Eight to One, & we now have his publicist's contact information. I mean. Not like he'll come, probably, but...eeee!

- The fact that my physics midterm is really fun to do! ...I know, I am offically the biggest nerd of all time. But really--the question on the phases of the moon uses a hypothetical planet Gandalf orbiting the star Tolkien with moons Bilbo and Frodo.

- Also that said physics midterms contains the question: What do you think life would be like if Rome hadn't fallen? I mean. Awesome.

-The fact that I finished my history outline in far less time than I anticipated.

-Father Murphy gave us all an extension! So I don't have to edit my paper frantically tonight.

- The fact that I made kickass chocolate chip cookies and amazing egg salad last night, both of which have sustained me today. Yum.

- The fact that I'm going to review a play tonight (press pass is the best!), & with Kacey, my new partner in crime for The Broadway Hour.

- The fact that Elsa is coming on the radio show with me tomorrow so I'm not alone! (Kacey being choir-concerting.)

& I should go quickly eat, so I can get to the play in plenty of time. I love you all. Tell me things that make you happy!

* Here's one thing: You know that in Ancient Athens, only males were allowed to vote in the democracy: women, children & slaves were all excluded. & you probably know that going to the theater was a civic duty, I mean literally--if you were a voter, you had a seat at the theater, & you damn well went. But think about this--almost all of the plays we have from that period, what are they about? Women, children, and slaves. So the voting public was civically required to go to the theater & watch incredible plays about the people who didn't have a voice anywhere else. How amazing is that?
**He hugged us. Both of us. Just right up front. And said something to the effect of how we were sending him energy through our eyes when he looked at us. Yeah, he's a strange guy--but he's AWESOME.

& I just realized that [livejournal.com profile] leeann_marie does a list of happy things on Thursdays...& I didn't even remember what day it was until I went to post this. :) (P.S., Leeann, check your mailbox in a day or two...)


Sep. 8th, 2008 10:09 am
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
I would like, in my life, to have a job that makes me feel good about myself. A job that I actually want to do, that I feel is making a positive impact on somebody's life, somewhere.
This is not that job. This makes me feel manipulative and awful and depressed, & I hate it.

The trouble is that for the last half of this summer I haven't had things to DO--I don't mean social stuff or projects (like cleaning my room) that drag on forever. I mean daily tasks that are meaningful on some level. After Alice & LERT was done, I didn't really have that. & without that I start to feel useless, & when I feel useless I start to live inside my head & my emotions & that's never a good thing.

I've spent this summer both happier and sadder than any summer before, both tougher and more fragile. It's really frustrating. I would like, soon, to be able to be judged on some useful aspect of my actions, not my personal life (& in that I include, perhaps at the top, being judged by myself). Even though part of me is ready to be done with school already, much of me is looking forward to school starting--having tasks to do, having a goal that I can work on accomplishing with set-out things to finish, administrators to argue with, bureaucracy to fight. (I need something to fight other than myself.) I want to audition for the play & to be in it, to bury myself into my head in the good way, the challenging-actor way, instead of the way I've been doing it all summer. I need purpose, is what I need, and goals to accomplish. I could use that about now.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
- The Olympics are, of course, amazing. Last night was swimming and women's gymnastics, which made me really want to get in the pool (even though I am crap at swimming for real) and go to the gym (even though I am out of shape and inflexible anymore). Still. Good motivator!

- It's weird / funny / annoying when you run across a somewhat cheesy song that nevertheless resonates with you a ridiculous amount & essentially says what you've been impossibly trying to explain for months. I guess that just means I'm not the only one (which I knew, of course), which is some comfort.

- I need to stop procrastinating. On several things, but one most important one most of all.
pipistrellafelix: (find x)
Another list--

- So I finally saw Iron Man at the Crest, & OH MY it was AWESOME. Everyone in it was brilliant, was having ridiculous amounts of fun, everything just clicked. What a great time. (Also, Robert Downey Jr is incredibly handsome, oh my yes.)

- Have helped Emily out twice this week with the 9-12 year olds...oh, what a handful. Kids in a group are hard to handle, but I think it's going all right. There are a couple that I want to adopt into the theater right now, & a few that I want to send away to grow up a little first.

- Went to 10% day at PCC today...have bought lots of baking supplies. Am going to make something tonight...cake? Cookies? Scones? Bread? Not sure. Want to mix and fold and cook things.

- It is August heat now... & I am wilting...

- Have done with S5 of Buffy, & have got up to the musical episode in S6, which is hilariously silly, but also truly awesome. I want to be in a Joss Whedon musical. (That'll go on my list of things that I really want but will probably never get, along with things like "Work with Johnny Depp / Ian McKellen / Helen Mirren / Tim Burton etc etc etc.")

- I wish I liked coffee, but I still just don't.

- I do, however, really really like nachos.

- Wednesdays are $5 Burger days at Deluxe. Have I mentioned also that Deluxe makes the best gin and tonic I've ever had? (Ask for it made with Tanqueray Rampur.)

- Now I'm just rambling....so I should stop. I want to see people....
pipistrellafelix: (yick)
So Tuesday was going fairly well on my end--just work and class, & I got good feedback for my project, so that was useful. After work I went to Andrew's; we ended up going for Mexican food, my (hereafter vain) attempt to cheer him up after his bad day.

If I were as talented as David Sedaris, the following story would be hilarious; instead it's just a litany of awful things that get ridiculous if (like me) you have a tendency toward the absurd.

We get back to his apartment after dinner, he heads toward the bathroom--& steps in half an inch of standing water. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the basement apartment is flooding!
This day was Chekhov, let me tell you. We tried to mop some up--got nowhere of course. His neighbor Chris comes downstairs to get his laundry & starts cursing loudly, which is when we discover that the laundry room is flooded, water is literally bubbling up from the drain in the floor, the carpet is soaked, and the storage room across the hall--full of cardboard boxes on the floor--is slowly filling up. Well.

If we're going to be Monty Python about it all, the bright side is that it was definetely community bonding time--we ran upstairs and knocked on all the apartment doors, telling them with half a hopeless smile that, Hello, you don't know me, but I live downstairs, & the apartment is flooding, & if you have anything in storage you might want to move it? People came down to help move things, commiserated, talked about how ridiculous the weather is (this is June for crying out loud), laughed...because what else can you do?

Andrew & I drank cognac amongst boxes of rescued storage items. Andy came home, helped sort out drying books. We talked about how ridiculous and Chekhovian this day was--everything is just vaguely awful until the last act, wherein everything goes to shit & someone dies. "Well, no one has died anyway," Andy says. "Not yet," I said, and immediately regretted it. Way to tempt Murphy. Bailey got home; more cleaning. More drinking and commiserating with neighbors. And then Andy gets a phone call, and the room goes very quiet--you know, when something happens; you can just tell. There's a certainty that just blankets itself over everything. A family friend of his passed away that night--unrelated to the flooding (and expected in a way; he was very ill).

So we hugged, standing on the damp carpet. And drank more cognac. And Andy said that the Chekhov had finally come full circle.

This may just be a Chekhovian week--it's been raining a ridiculous amount and everyone around me has problems (personally I am not wallowing in much, but it's quite enough for all my friends, thank you)--Cozy got sick, finals are killing everyone, the rain is making everyone I know depressed. It's a little silly.

I could really do with a comedy-Shakespeare week after this one, all right? Or possibly a Tom Stoppard (circa Arcadia or R&G)--there might still be talk about the futility of life, but at least it would be optimistic, and there would be witty dialogue to go along with it.

What playwrights control your life today?
pipistrellafelix: (university of hamleting)
Well, Ghost Sonata is over...last night we had a kickass last show, with a good audience. They laughed a lot, which made me really pleased, because there are funny bits in here. Then we struck, and put nearly everything into my parents' truck & a couple other cars, & all went to the OCT space to unload it all. There was really very little to do--three cheers for minimalist sets!
And then there was a party--with the space all tricked out in lights and little glowing plastic balls (I want them), & plenty of good food & drink (but no gin--they had tonic, but no gin; I was sad). We danced & talked & were silly & it was generally a good end to the run. I'm glad we ended when we did...I got to a good place with the show, satisfied myself with my work. Any longer & I would have started to get sick of it. (Plus this way I can possibly work on Earnest? Hmm, projects.)

Yesterday I spent cleaning my room, for real, doing lots of laundry, organizing the pile of stuff I keep dumping by the door, cleaning the kitchen...generally doing all the cleaning/organizational things I just haven't had time for. I like doing that. Makes me put everything in order.

Now I have a short paper to write (on Hairy Baby, which was lovely), a ridiculous amount of reading on Zen Buddhism to catch up on, &...that's about it. Hmm. Not so much to do this weekend, which I am quite happy with.

Next weekend is an R&J scene with Rosa (Andrew & I are "rehearsing" for some group of middle schoolers doing some program at SU...we get to be a preview of next year), & going to see a middle school musical that Emma (GS' milkmaid) choreographed, and the SPT auction!

And the weekend after that is Folklife. Oh, Folklife, the glory. I can practically already taste it, I want it so much. Mmmm.


Apr. 29th, 2008 05:12 pm
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
I've been thinking. (as usual )


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