grr argh.

May. 9th, 2007 03:57 pm
pipistrellafelix: (university of hamleting)
I am stuck on waiting for people to call me back at this point, which is an antsy, unproductive, uncomfortable feeling.
I called Barbara about costuming for Arcadia (& for Patrick & me at the auction), & since I'm super excited about Arcadia (& not so much about school, really) I want her to call me back so I can work on things. In retrospect probably a better idea that I don't, & do, say, homework instead, but still.
& Cozy called me this afternoon to say she got an email from the IES Dublin program we applied to saying that they hadn't recieved her transcript (we both sent them after the app) & her teacher reccomendation. Her what? We thought IES didn't ask for letters unless your GPA is low...but apparently the performance program does, & somehow both of us missed that. How, I don't know. It's not like we haven't been obsessing over this program for weeks.
So I called some IES rep to see if I could fax or email a letter (which of course I have to get first, which is a whole other issue) to make sure it got there on time. & since IES is in Chicago, & Chicago is two hours ahead, they're all out of the office already so I won't know till tomorrow. Which is a day before it's due. Agh.
EDIT: Shana is a goddess & is writing me a letter. YES. (Still need to hear back from IES Lady.)

On the bright side my thesis presentation went well & I got my paper back from Dr. K & he likes it (ha! still happy about that) & he thinks I can work in Derrida, of all things. Sure, I'm always game to throw in postmodernism, it's loads of fun to play with. So I have that paper back to revise, but it doesn't look to onerous.
On the less bright side I have essentially been ignoring Donne in favor of thesis & then tech week, which ate me right after my thesis let me go, so I have to do something before I meet with Dr. McD tomorrow. Also, the other day, he wanted me to think about doing the English honors thesis. My god. Does the whole world want me to go insane?
pipistrellafelix: (university of hamleting)
Today's rant is brought to you by the government. Specifically, the FAFSA, that pile of electronic financial captivity that students nation wide would like to shove down a disposal drain, preferably one with really sharp blades.
I've declared myself independent on my taxes, I'm using all of my own money to pay for college, & my parents aren't giving me anything substantial to help with tuition--it's all coming out of my grandpa's bonds, & hopefully my own income, once I find a job that actually gives me a substantial one. But--but--the FAFSA still calculates my parents' Estimated Financial Contribution every year, based on all of their financial data that they're required to input along with mine. & because of my grandpa's property & our house & other things that don't give us income & aren't paying for college & don't count at all, their EFC is relatively high. Nevermind that none of that EFC is coming to me, nor should it, beacause they really ought to keep all that money & I'm doing okay on my own. Nevermind that.
Because the FAFSA won't let me declare independent from parents unless I am 24 years old, married, or the victim of abandonment, abuse or other extenuating parent-child circumstances. Since none of those are the case, I'm stuck with a lump of money showing up on my FAFSA that I can't have, or want to have, but still have counting against me.
& you know what this means, right? No work-study eligibility. Nevermind that the one job I would love to have for the summer & the forseeable future is work-study only. DAMMIT.

...anyway. On the upside, there's much to celebrate. Medieval Monday with the thesis kids was loads of fun--the Elysian has really good raspberry cider, & Tiffany is a very pleasant & hilarious drunk, & I really like being treated like a peer by my amazing teacher, & I really really like having a draft done.
& last night Erin & found Americone Dream (the Stephen Colbert flavor of Ben & Jerry's!) at QFC, plus wandering about QFC slightly tipsy with Erin & Kristen also slightly tipsy was pretty hilarious. [Erin: We can buy three [pool noodles] & then you can get bouyancy! Kristen (not paying attention): What's bouyancy? Me: It's when you float. On water. Kristen: *falls over laughing, because it's funny when you're tipsy.]
& last night we watched Edward Scissorhands, & oh, Tim Burton + Johnny Depp + Danny Elfman = the best combination filmmaking could offer. & oh, poor lovely Edward.
& today's dance class was wonderful, & in a minute I'm meeting Molly & there will be some slightly drastic changes in my life. Well. In my hair. Heh.

And above all & everything, it's MAY. Thank god April is finally over, that month needed to end weeks ago. But today it's May Day, so go out & celebrate in some fashion--sing loudly or dance around a pole or eat some fresh fruit or have a picnic or lie in the sun or have sex in the bushes, whatever floats your boat. Happy Beltane, everybody.
pipistrellafelix: (drawing)
First off I would like to say that Kayla is such a fun director to work with. Patrick & Kayla & I spent all afternoon filming the second half of her movie, all the fantasy bits. She made a preliminary edit while we ate dinner & let me tell you, it is incredible, & I'm not just saying that because I'm in it.
Also I spent a lot of the time driving around in Kayla's sister's car, a small, sexy, red Volvo named Lolita, with the windows down & music playing & sunglasses on. I could taste summer. (It tastes good.)

So, really, today's events were pretty good. On the bus to Kayla's I made a to-do list for myself, which spanned the entire page. While I was making it I felt really on top of things, a Hey I'm Making A List & I'm Gonna Cross It All Off kind of feeling.
Yeah, well. I don't feel like that now. I feel like crying with frustration at myself, for being a stupid overachiever, with overwhelment at everything that has to get done before Friday (so by Thursday night, that means), with terror at this whole study abroad thing that just got much more complicated by the addition of another program (theater, in Ireland. Oh GOD). I'm just fucked, I feel stupid, I don't feel like I have a handle on anything. I always feel like this at night, & night is when I have time to do homework. That's gotta change. I'm never going to get anything done like this.
I don't want to do this (I will of course, but I don't want to). I want..well, I know what I want, & I'm not going to get it for a while, so I may as well stop talking & try to be useful. Dammit.

...I guess I haven't said anything about Virginia. I don't...I don't have anything to say. It's all been said already. I just...yeah. I have nothing.

ETA (1:27 am): Well, I crossed off two of the things on my list, & am well on my way to crossing off a third. I haven't really touched any of the millions of subpoints on the biggest thing (my thesis obviously*), but at least it's something.

[*I remember back in senior year of highschool I had to name my thesis Abigail because I was getting so sick of opening up the file titled "thesis." This one is just called "Margaret" but I'm thinking of giving it a different name just to keep myself from hating the name Margaret by the end. Maybe "Arthur." Or "Janine."]
pipistrellafelix: (stop)
So I got my old computer back, stripped of an operating system. I have to wait for a new power cord & then we're going to play with xubuntu. But nontheless I bought a new one (I got a good deal, although an implulse buy is really unlike me...), & of course it came with Vista.

I am so frustrated by this operating system. Not only is it aesthetically annoying (it took me much less time to get used to XP, so this is not just the newness of it all), but I am having the worst time trying to install my Creative software. I tried from the CD; it seemed like it had loaded, except then the actual explorer wasn't there; I plugged in the player itself & Vista had a fit (as it does with every new thing ever) & asked to install the driver. Which it then failed to find or install. So I have been combing the internet, including all the Creative support sites, & NOTHING WORKS. Essentially the message I just got is, "Oh well, it doesn't work. Sorry!" I am going to kill Vista. I do not like it. I do not want it. I want XP back. Or something. Agh.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be having these problems if I had an iPod. & no, that doesn't make me want to go buy an iPod. It makes me even more angry at the fact that a few companies rule the computer software market & much better companies like Creative get stuck in the backwash & aren't compatible. ARGH I say. Just..ARGH.
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
First, the somewhat plaintive rant: I don't like having more reading than I can handle. And when it comes down to it, it isn't the fact that I have to rush to get it done and oh-I-hate-homework and all that. I think what my greater problem is, is that when I read something, I want to really read it. The reason I love reading books in groups is for the deep reading and the discussions that come out of that, when we've all actually read the thing. And it seems, in college, that teachers shove huge piles of reading on us just so we get the basic information, without giving us the time to really understand it. I suppose that's the problem with survey classes--breadth not depth. But I have two chapters of Cohn and twenty eleven-pt font pages from the internet to read (wha?) for tomorrow, plus art history. And the teachers have actually said it, too--just skim it, don't worry about reading everything really carefully--and that's what bothers me. I want to read it carefully. I like reading things carefully. And it annoys me when I can't.
But I can't keep complaining, because, well, I have homework. Oy.

Secondly: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the Gene Wilder movie) at midnight on FRIDAY at the Egyptian. Who's coming with? I figure we can go as a sort of pre-cursor to the summer Wonka party. *squee!*

Thirdly: le meme )


Mar. 14th, 2005 10:43 pm
pipistrellafelix: (Default)

Dead. Dead dead dead dead dead. Why is it that the closer I get to a deadline, the more I panic internally, and the less I actually do? It's so hard to get myself to do anything. I can't concentrate on the page. I can't seek out the answers I don't see in front of me, and I'm beginning not to care, and I hate that, I really do, but I'm too tired to fix it now.
I have to finish the questions, lest I screw my study group over--which I refuse to do, since I'm relying on them for the other eight--but oh, I am so tired...
I think I'm going to bed. I'll work on studying in the morning. After all, I have all day tomorrow to study before I die on Wednesday afternoon; and then the evening and next morning before I die again on Thursday.

Oh, I loathe finals week...
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
I simply cannot finish it all. I just can't.

What the hell am I doing?
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
It's really weird, the places you can get on LJ. I clicked on someone's name in a community because I wanted to find out who did the art for their icon (it was Crowley and Aziraphale. And the art was [ profile] linnpuzzle, whose art is gorgeous). And I found a link to BARE. And the music is really good. Whoah. (I wonder if it's coming back West coast? Hmm.) Although it is kinda depressing. Maybe that's just me at the moment.

Looks like I'm going to be in Astronomy next quarter...I'd like to know what you can do in a lab for Astro if it's in the middle of the day, but...oh well. We'll see. Also I cannot register for next quarter until I get my shots. Puckey. I thought I signed an exemption form, but noooo, apparently not...*sigh* I will go be stubborn and pushy about it tomorrow.

cut for exessive angsty ranting. grrargh. )

On a slightly happier note, the moon is utterly beautiful tonight. A perfect little cream sliver.


Jan. 28th, 2005 12:05 pm
pipistrellafelix: (Default)
I am so frustrated. I don't want to be reading Aquinas, or the Bible, or muddling through dividing polynomials, or reaserching Balthild and anonymous nuns. I walked into the fine arts building today, talking to Elaine, and wandered over to see if there was anything new on the theater front--there wasn't, of course, but I picked up a Utrecht sale catalog and was flipping through it and realized, I want to do all this instead. Right now. I want to make messy art--huge, wild and crazy colorful paintings on enourmous cavasses I have to stand on footstools to reach the top of. I want to scribble with prismacolors and charcoal and draw-what-I-see and I want to see everything. I want to dance--now that I'm actually getting this salsa thing I want to go every night, not just Wednesdays. And I want to dance tap, and dance Irish, and just put on music and dance crazy. I want to do theater--oh God, I need to do theater--I ushered last night and while I enjoyed the show it was positively painful not to be involved, because I know I won't be for a long time. I want to play Ultimate outside, even though it's cold, I want to run around and throw things at people. I want to draw muddly little pictures in sharpie. I want to learn to play the drums, or something equally loud and rhythmic and annoying to the neighbors. I want to do anything that isn't here, what I'm doing now. I do. not. want. to. be. here. Agh!

Now I've gotten that out of my system (yeah right) I have to go write a paper for my two o clock class. Bugger.


pipistrellafelix: (Default)

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