mental ruminations. probably i'm overthinking things, as usual.

[pipistrellafelix]

Today as I was standing at 43rd on the Ave, waiting to get on my bus, my shiny new transfer blew out of my book-laden hands and away into the street. I took a couple steps after it, but I preferred losing a transfer to getting hit by a car, so I figured it was fairly useless. I thought perhaps the bus driver had seen it blow away, so it wouldn't be too big a deal. I got on the bus and read Stardust for the few extra blocks home, and when the bus reached 65th I went up to the front and said, "my transfer blew away right before I got on, but I had one...I can pay again if you want--" (though I wasn't sure if I could). He looked at me and said, "whatever. I don't care," and waved his hand at me, a get-off-the-bus motion. This should have made me pleased, right? It didn't. I wanted to cry. Not so much because I could tell he didn't believe me--I could feel self-righteous about it, because I was telling the truth--but no, more because of this sadness and frustration in his face, the utter uncaring weariness behind the one word "whatever"--not only did he not believe me, he couldn't care less if I were telling the truth or not, because so many people hadn't before. I don't know why it struck me so much. Maybe because I've been so happy lately.

I have to do a second round of apartment calling today, now that it's nearly August and people should know what's available. I suddenly realized last night what a huge responsibility got placed on my shoulders, when my three roommates left...I am slightly terrified of this whole apartment-searching process. I know what I want, but is it even possible to get it? Ack. I know I'm responsible--or I can be, when I try...I just, argh.
No more of this. I'm not going to get caught up in worrying about what might happen if I don't do things correctly. (This is good advice generally, I feel, & not just about apartments.) Off to go sound professional and desirable on the telephone to potential landlord-like people, then.

Comments

[newredshoes]

Oh, honey -- you're not being made to do this on your own, are you? Are you looking in Seattle, or somewhere else?

[elanor-two.livejournal.com]

One of them is coming out in a few days to help, & they're sending me places they've found on the internet, but I'm basically doing it on my own, yeah. Mostly cause we're looking for places in Seattle & I'm the only one actually in the city at the moment.

[whatisnode.livejournal.com]

Bus drivers vary from the epitome of Cool to the epitome of "Whatever crawled up their butt and died!?"
I've had bus drivers that would chat with me the whole time I was on the bus, cheerfully wishing me a good afternoon, or evening, as I depart (and I can tell they actually mean it); I've run up to the 5 as it's stopped at a light and knocked on the door, only to get blatantly blown off. I also ended up failing the class I was late to because the driver wouldn't let me on. DX
But once, I didn't have any change and I had figured out the transfer pattern so I thought I knew which transfer it would be that day. Turns out I was off by one... Colour. The driver stopped me immediately and pointed it out. We laughed it off and I paid as much of the fair that I could.
Now that's a cool bus driver. And now I think this reply is actually longer than your post so I'm onna stop while I still can. <3

[elanor-two.livejournal.com]

Yeah...there've been enough cool ones that it doesn't really get me down. It was more that he was so sad that made me so sad. Ah well.

[whatisnode.livejournal.com]

Aw. Well, it could be something going on in his life, or perhaps it could have been that a different bus patron was rude and he hadn't gotten over it yet. Or, maybe he's been in a similiar situation, or perhaps this one is an allegory of a situation: his transfer blew away hopelessly in the wind. So poetic, nya?

[elanor-two.livejournal.com]

Haha! Wonderful. Thank you, dear.