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...mindtwist. Home.
Feb. 19th, 2005 04:10 pmSo Danica and I are talking--seriously--about moving off campus next year. We were sort of vaguely planning to do it for junior year, maybe find a third person and split rent three-ways to make it cheaper. I was probably going to live at home next year, seeing as living on campus, while convenient, also annoys me. But then she was poking about in the classifieds and we realized that two bedroom apartments aren't actually all that much, particularly compared to what we're paying RHA right now, especially when one factors in the rather exorbitant costs of food from Bon Appetit. (Honestly, sometimes I wonder what they're secretly financing with the amount of money they get out of college students nationwide. It's a slow and quiet monopoly. There must be something sinister going on...)
And so we are actually talking about renting a place off campus next year--possibly for all three years left (dependent on summer internships, going abroad, and so on, which neither of us has any kind of plans for yet). And I got really excited about it, moving in to a totally new place, on our own. I mean, it is exciting, isn't it?
And then of course, it isn't. It's totally terrifying. Because I realized--and sure, I knew this before, I've joked about it all the time--but this really makes me realize, I have never lived anywhere other than where I live now. I've visited a fair amount of places; I've 'lived' in Spain nearly on my own for three weeks, I've been any number of places. But none of them were home, not really. Nowhere has ever been home the way my house has. Even living here in the dorm--and all the time I call it home, hey, I'm going home, when I mean Xavier--it isn't really home, because when I actually go home I know the difference. There isn't anywhere I can completely relax, can not worry about what I do, anywhere I know where everything is without thinking, anywhere that is home quite like there. And moving out completely terrifies me. Or, you know, it would, if I could even wrap my head around the concept. Which I can't, yet. The largest move I've made is from the loft to the basement, as I joke all the time, but it isn't a move. It's like rearranging my house--but it's still my house.
I don't know. I think we are going to live off campus, probably in an apartment nearby; it's a happy medium, for me anyway, between living at home (free, good food, but missing out on all the convenience and craziness of dorm life) and living in the dorm (overpriced, not so good food). We can actually find places that are cheaper, per month, than room and board here. But it's still...bizarre. Really, really bizarre.
...I don't want to grow up yet. Or maybe, maybe I want to be grown up but don't want to grow up. It's confusing. Even without huge issues, it's confusing. And I don't think I like it. Where's Neverland when you need it?
And so we are actually talking about renting a place off campus next year--possibly for all three years left (dependent on summer internships, going abroad, and so on, which neither of us has any kind of plans for yet). And I got really excited about it, moving in to a totally new place, on our own. I mean, it is exciting, isn't it?
And then of course, it isn't. It's totally terrifying. Because I realized--and sure, I knew this before, I've joked about it all the time--but this really makes me realize, I have never lived anywhere other than where I live now. I've visited a fair amount of places; I've 'lived' in Spain nearly on my own for three weeks, I've been any number of places. But none of them were home, not really. Nowhere has ever been home the way my house has. Even living here in the dorm--and all the time I call it home, hey, I'm going home, when I mean Xavier--it isn't really home, because when I actually go home I know the difference. There isn't anywhere I can completely relax, can not worry about what I do, anywhere I know where everything is without thinking, anywhere that is home quite like there. And moving out completely terrifies me. Or, you know, it would, if I could even wrap my head around the concept. Which I can't, yet. The largest move I've made is from the loft to the basement, as I joke all the time, but it isn't a move. It's like rearranging my house--but it's still my house.
I don't know. I think we are going to live off campus, probably in an apartment nearby; it's a happy medium, for me anyway, between living at home (free, good food, but missing out on all the convenience and craziness of dorm life) and living in the dorm (overpriced, not so good food). We can actually find places that are cheaper, per month, than room and board here. But it's still...bizarre. Really, really bizarre.
...I don't want to grow up yet. Or maybe, maybe I want to be grown up but don't want to grow up. It's confusing. Even without huge issues, it's confusing. And I don't think I like it. Where's Neverland when you need it?
