Renaissance Girl

Through a convoluted series of links, I came across an article entitled Proof that Shakespeare did not Write Shakespeare. I'm really fond of it, mostly because it's hilarious, and not very well written. The author makes the assertion that a woman wrote the plays, mostly because women are better writers than men: "this is a proven generic fact." Ahaha! As the Shakespeare Geek Blog said, "I think perhaps that a woman should have written his article for him."

Some choice excerpts (italics and parentheses are mine, mostly pointing out parts I find particularly amazing):

"Some, mainly Americans, believe that there was no such person. A woman from New England named Delia Bacon who taught Shakespeare in school went to England in 1853 to try to dig him up to prove that there was no body in his grave, just a bag of rocks. She went to his grave at night with shovel in hand, but the British authorities, in furtherance of the scheme or conspiracy to hide the fact that there was no Shakespeare, stopped her from digging him up." (I'm not sure which is funnier--the image of a schoolteacher trying to dig up Will, or the implication that the Brits have a cover-up operation going on.)

"Further evidence that Shakespeare did not write Shakespeare: The exact date of his birth is unknown. Few documents or verifiable sources of Shakespeare's life exist, much fewer than would be expected of such a prominent figure. Originals of none of his manuscripts have survived. Not one document exists giving evidence of anyone ever seeing him. Not even his own family ever referred to him as a famous playwright." (What does he want? Journal entries from every prominent politico saying 'Oooohla, today I spoke with the famous playwright William Shakespeare!'
1. While we don't have the date of his birth we do have it of his baptism, which was the date mostly recorded during that period anyway.
2. We have a good sight more documents on Shakespeare than we have on other people in the period (does this author think that actually having historical documents is the norm? Is there a large document preserver these things are supposed to go in?)
3. Actually, we have plenty of records involving him and the Globe, both financial records, and playlists listing him as an actor. If people didn't see him on stage...well, damn, he must have been a mighty fine Ghost.)

...I'm being a terrible mocker, aren't I? It's not that I don't mind the authorship debate; I think it's fascinating. I just think one should do a little more research first.

And oh my god, this guy. This website is bizarre. His home page has tons of different links...videos for him running for governor somewhere? Talking about his hard drive recovery and all the books he's written? Plus this: "DNA Tests have proven that I am the father of my daughter Sandra. With these test results (in PDF Format), anyone who believes that I might be their father can have their own DNA test done and compare the results with the data I have posted and determine with a fair degree of certainty the likelihood that I am their father."

....there are no words.

I find it kind of funny that the minute I get out of school & claim to be done (done, done) with academia for three months, I wind up entangled in a character who just wants to know everything & will stop at nothing to get questions answered. I do mean entangled. Thomasina is getting to me. I read an article this morning in the paper about time travel & another about quantum mechanics & it just made me thirsty for more. I want to go to the library & look up Newton & heat equations. I want to do math, my god, do I want to do math--I've forgotten all my calculus that I spent so long that summer learning, & I hate that. If it were possible to go & add a math or bio minor at this point I would. I miss science. The logic of history & lit crit, as much as I like it, is not the same as the logic of math and science...& I miss that.

So I'm going to do math. & search out science blogs (Dad's already sending me some--try this one on for size: is this art?, or this one: like Thomasina, but older?), & go to the library for everything. Maybe I'll just re-teach myself calculus. I did it once. I can do it again.

God, my brain hurts, in the best way. I love this.

Also, Happy Coronation day for Margaret of Anjou!* & it's the death day of Kit Marlowe (supposedly, of course. I'm still tempted to write some quasi-accurate historical bodice-ripper** about Kit faking his death & going to the continent, or the Americas, to spy for Queen Liz.)

*Now that my thesis is done, I'm really quite fond of her. Actually, I was fond of her before, but it's no longer tempered by the research version of the sword of Damocles, or something like that.

**Although I guess in his case it would be a codpiece-ripper?

So after the week from hell (no, really, you don't want to know, it was just bad all around), this weekend was well on its way to making up for it.
There was theater, for one thing. Lots and lots of it, because I'm running sound,* & while that means I'm not running about madly onstage, it is actually no less exhausting or time-consuming than acting is. Also, I get to be bitter bitter tech with Cozy and Kristyn, which is entertaining (Cozy & I go about muttering "cue the fucking sheep" all the time, & we even have Jacki, our lights girl, saying it even though she's never seen Slings & Arrows). We get to have conversations over headsets, which are occasionally interrupted by the greenroom (sometimes an actor, sometimes Kris to chime in), because sometimes we forget they can hear us...

Also, I am firmly convinced that every actor, every one, should do tech at least once in their student career. In fact I'm pretty sure it ought to be a requirement to graduate from a drama program. Because it gives you a completely different & really valuable perspective on the whole endeavour, & also, I can tell you, if you have half a brain & a memory, you will a) never be a diva again, if you were, & b) be much, much more understanding toward your techies, during tech week & after.

Friday was a theater-kid party at Jen's; Saturday was the Gay prom & drag show (from which the subject line comes); today was dinner at home for mother's day.

Also, this morning, I got up early & did homework--I felt really productive. & to cap all this weekend off, I just have to brag a little bit. Just a bit, I promise. Dr. Young, who was the other reader of my paper besides Dr. Kangas, sent me an email with a suggestion for expanding one paragraph, & saying that he'd given Dr. E a copy of my paper with other corrections. I replied to say thank you for reading it, & that I was looking forward to his comments, & he replies with this:
"Thanks. Your paper was so good--in my judgment--that there really aren't any comments to speak of beyond what I emailed you. There are a few very minor corrections."
....I mean. Really? That good? *glee*

& now I have to go write a whole new proposal for Donne before I go to bed. Aiee. The one thing about theater that's not so great? No time for homework during the weekend....

*The Nice & The Nasty! One more weekend, May 17-20, Thurs-Fri-Sat @ 7:30, Sat-Sun @ 2:30. At the Lee Center, 12th & Marion. Only $6 for students! Plus it's hilarious, & I say that having heard it over ten times already, so you know it's good. C'mon. Give us an audience.

Page count: 29-30*
Footnote count: 77

[* I think. It's an approximation, because OpenOffice paginates differently than MS Word for absolutely no reason I can discern, so I've really only got about 80% of what I think I have. It's supremely depressing every time I look at the page number & realize I actually have about 6-10 pages less than that lovely high number is showing me. Argh. Still, my writing's actually not that bad...some sentences are pretty classy. The quality of cited scholarship remains in doubt still.]

Also, because I am under the apprehension that someone other than me will find these funny, some of my footnotes that I like:
René’s titles are numerous and fairly legendary; he also claimed status as King of Naples, King of Aragon (including Sicily, Majorca and Corsica), Count of Provence, Count of Piedmont, Duke of Lorraine (by virtue of his marriage to Isabelle), and King of Jerusalem. Most of these titles were of course only that, titles—-though he spent much of his life defending them. (He was also, supposedly, a Grand Master of the Priory of Scion. This remains, sadly, unsupportable speculation.)

I personally am of the opinion that he [Henry VI] did his best to rule but was simply not of the right temperament. Helen Maurer seems more or less to be of the same opinion; she is sympathetic toward Henry but, looking at his reign as a whole, sums him up as “perhaps the greatest disaster ever to occupy the English throne” (p. 77).


(Also, I would like to add that one of my primary source texts, a handbook of lessons from a king's sister to her young daughter, has a section that basically tells little Suzanne not to fidget or pick her nose. So, really, kids have always been the same.)

I think what I like most about Dr. E's critiques is that when she rips something to pieces, she tells you how to put it back together again. That, & she's just generally fun to talk to, no matter what the subject is. Also the fact that I have once again got all interested in my research project, just like I wanted to--finally, Margaret of Anjou kicked Macbeth in the pants & took over my brain again! I knew it would happen. I am now all eager to theorize about English pickiness over their monarchs--why absolute queens, ruling in their own right, are acceptable (Mary, Elizabeth I) but a century before that, queen-consorts piss everyone off (Margaret of Anjou, Isabelle of France*). I can blather on for pages about what "regency" means vs. a regency council, about the vast differences in the models of rulership, queenship, and governance between France and England, about the mutual misunderstanding between Margaret and Parliament, about how York is an eager bastard & is raising his metaphysical political hand before he really ought to, and how Margaret essentially kicks ass until York manages to kick hers. Oh, and primary sources, I suppose.

(* Okay, I know why Isabelle of France pissed everyone off. If you're foreign and you start a very blatant extramarital affair with Roger Mortimer & then leave the country & then come back to march on it with an army, & then depose your husband & try to become absolute regent for your minor son, & then conspire with your (still) lover to secretly hire people to murder your husband by sticking a hot iron bar in places where the sun does not shine, then it's fairly clear you're going to make people angry. See? Who said history was dull?)

In other news, the weather is weird as hell--fair and foul, so Macbeth was not far off. It was darkly gloomy and stormy in the morning, but by now it's bright & sunny all over and is looking green & spring-like. Spring break is going to be good. Next quarter will be good too, I think. (But what I really can't wait for is summer...)

So basically the History Channel is the best thing on TV.* They take metaphors & run with them for a ridiculously long amount of time, they have awesome recreations, they have the most wonderfully serious academic people & a really silly dramatic narrator, & you can make your own Dark Ages Character online!
Plus the silly dramatic narrator just said we were in "Reems." We're pretty sure he meant Reims, but the History Channel might have secret access to a famous city we've never heard of...

*I can say this because neither Firefly nor Slings & Arrows is on TV, & Studio 60 is on hiatus. Therefore, ladies & gentlemen, I give you the History Channel.

ETA: Let's just do a running commentary on everything people say:
"In 580 AD, the empire strikes back." (Ahaha, 6th Century Star Wars!)
"Life was shrouded by the long shadow of Death."
"Charles 'The Hammer' nailed down his plans..." (Ohhh...bad.)

( the most ungrateful little dilemma ever. want to help? )

In other news, I love Paradise Lost, it is effing cold here, I want a new coat (that fits & actually keeps me warm), dear god alive I have too much reading to do & not enough time organizational skills, I am worried about someone whom I cannot in any way help, I am definiteivly not off-book for Act five, we open way too soon, I am still slightly afraid when people talk to me about Three Sisters (Wes of the Nine-Fingers, my old theology teacher, in the library, today), the library really ought to lend books for longer than three weeks (especially books so obscure that no one else is seriously going to want them ever), I bought a plane ticket, my roommates are lovely people, my room is finally clean, & I love chai tea. ...I think that's about it.

I just finished my last oral exam for honors, & I kicked ass. I'm not even kidding. Last quarter was a fun oral, because it was the end of the day & everyone was loopy & I answered things well. But this one? First in the morning, & I blew them away. (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But not much.) There was not a single question I didn't know how to answer, I had something to say to everything they asked, even if it wasn't on the list, I had conversations, I changed my answers to their prodding, I made Dr. Risser happy by being the only person to answer a certain question (it's on Gadamer, how could I not?), I answered questions from Iyer that weren't on the list at all.
Man, I feel brilliant!

Now I'm off to finish loading my stuff into my truck & vaccum & so forth...I come home tomorrow afternoon, & then I'm going to Jenny Chow. Tonight is CWS(A)--I'm excited. But I packed my computer, so no email or whatever until I'm actually home. If you need me, call my cell. Love love love to you all.

'Otho in exile?' 'Yes and no;
That is, we do not call it so.'
'And may we ask the reason why?'
'They charged him with adultery.'
'But could they prove it?' 'No and yes;
It was his wife he dared caress.'

Ahaha...oh, Nero, Nero, what an ass you are.

(In other news, what kind of an idiot am I, thinking I can write a paper in just a few hours on a subject I really don't know anything about? ...I guess that just makes me a college student....)