(a lot of crack)

We had a costume parade in rehearsal today, & we finally got to see almost all of the costume pieces, on everyone. They're crazy--absolutely the nuttiest things I've seen in a long time. It's like Rococo meets Rocky Horror. It's Baroque on crack. It's amazing.

I just spent a while watching Firefly (Ben you are my hero), some episodes I hadn't seen in a while. None of the episodes are bad, but I think I'd rank "Objects in Space" up there with the best of them...
"But...psychic? Are you sure? That sounds like something out of science fiction." -"We live on a spaceship, dear." -"So?" (Oh, Wash.)

Hallie just came back from hanging out with people & then just left again to go to the 10th floor & hang with some other people. In two days she has been more social than I was in my first quarter. (She'll be fine, then, when she comes here.)

I was an idiot today, & didn't realize that it takes three business days to get a transcript from the registrar...I need one for my Naef application, but guess what--it's due on Monday. Blargh. Oh well...I'll do everything else (I started a whole 'nother personal statement this morning, wa-hey) & then just get it in late. Cripes. I really am ridiculously optimistic sometimes.

I saw Andrew at lunch & we were geniuses on the same wavelengths with ninjas & pirates & flags. (Do YOU have a flag?)

No Exit is really bizarre.

I have nothing else to say.

(this doesn't make a lot of sense...but then, nothing does.)

* I had my callback today...it was fun, playing around in the blackbox. Carol said these fairies aren't Lady Cottington's fairies, these are real English fairies--malicious & mischeivious & gender-bending & bizarre. So we were. (I want it.)

* I also had a really strange dream last night...it was frightening without fear, desire without emotion...I felt removed, like the emotions of my dream-self were being filtered though a haze; like I was reacting wrong. My mother--only not quite my mother--had some kind of crazy in her head, some war trauma I think--every time I went around a corner at the market we were in, she thought I'd died. There was a part later in which someone else had a gun pressed to the small of my back & was walking me across Fremont bridge & I was only very amused--except at the same time, I was worried: not because she had a gun to me, but because she didn't understand why I needed to get free & finish what I'd been doing. She was partly me, & at the same time completely unlike me; she was my co-wife, with this man I was married to; I think I came first, & she was jealous, or perhaps she was a clone of me? There was something wrong with my DNA--or I thought there was--because I had been shot by a weird man who had the same DNA problem, at a party at the new house my husband & I had just bought...it was an old loft, above a house, all wood & dust & views of the sea & trees. The only time my emotions felt right was when he led me up the steep stairs to the top & we looked around at the empty attic, slanted roofs & fresh sea air, & it felt like home--this was a place we could just be, the way we were supposed to. & then everything got strange.

I'm telling it all out of order, & I can't remember everything anyway. There were bits of "Firefly" in there--more in feeling than anything--and something out of "Regeneration," the war trauma...& my own strange brain.

& I watched "Pandaemonium" today, because Danica had to for her English class, & I'm not sure I like it...but it got me thinking. It was strange...poetry & words & laudanum, & an addiction, to opium or to Wordsworth? & playing with reality. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy, but crazy people don't stop to ask that (that's in Proof, isn't it..."yes, but you're dead, & you're telling me that." Something like that).

I'm not sure what I'm thinking. I didn't get much sleep. But I'm okay, I'm not on opium, I'm just a little discombobulated, & I've been reading some terrifying words & some brilliant words & they're not settling much, they're percolating, & they haven't gone through yet.

I'm going to go hang out with Erin & Jamie & Camille...it's utterly different from where my brain is now. I'm sure where it'll jolt me.

I miss a lot of people right now, not sadly, just...as a fact. I wish I could send hugs through the mail.