oh dear

well, i finished my study group questions, although i can't vouch for their quality. i started taking notes for my paper, & i don't think it'll be too hard. it does mean no king john tomorrow. we couldn't get in tonight, & we're on the waitlist for tomorrow--unlikely we'd get in at all, but i can't even attempt, not with the paper due monday & honors graduation that evening. i can't tell you how disappointed i am having to miss it. i'm really annoyed at not getting my act together & going earlier...dammit. on the bright side, stones in his pockets is still running (!), so i'll get to see that.

i am so close to being done. i am torn between being so incredibly ready to be finished with school for a while, & missing my friends something terrible. this is what happens when you actually make friends at school, i guess. at least i'll have andy around, & kristen can come up occasionally...& i'll manage to visit anne for a few days at least, before she's off to scotland. but andrew & cozy & matt will be gone all summer, & the family will be all apart.

of course i know that i'll be spending all my time with other people i adore that i haven't seen in forever, & that will certainly be good. it's just hard when it gets all split like that...although i guess that's what college does. i'm all turned around & confused & discombobulated & lost in my own head. i've always been so rational about things, i don't think i have actually been this far out before. i'm not making any sense, so don't mind me. i'll be okay. i'll always be okay.

(i found this icon today--from terry pratchett's 'truth'--& it made me so pleased. it sums me up. i always said i was socially inept. & i'm not saying that in a self-deprecating way, i mean, it's hard to tell over lj, but i find it amusing more than bad. i just like the icon. i think it's funny.

i also think i need to shut up & go to bed.)

eta...
oh, look at me. i was glancing over this date the last two years, which i do when i remember, because i always find fascinating things that i wrote that i forgot about. june 4th, 2004, i wrote this:
Also for maybe the first time in my life I am excited to be thrust into a group of people that I do not know at all. Maybe that's because for the first time in my life I feel brilliantly and amazingly confident in my abilty to be myself and find people who are my friends. I don't think I've felt confident in that area--at least not to this extent--for a long time if ever. Make that ever. And you know, feeling that is kind of nice. Gets me on an independence kick. :)
well, look at that. even though i'm still faintly morose (mostly because i'm lonely...having a roommate totally gone will do that, even if i haven't been seeing her in a while anyway), but this made me smile. because i realized that i did do that. it took me longer than i thought it might, but i did--i broke into theater, just like i always wanted to (maybe not with a bang, but i sort of slid in at the back, like i do), & i felt perfectly my own self & suddenly, the family was there. i'm still not sure how it happened, which is usually the best measure of my friendships, when i can't recall how they began, but just feel as though i've always had them.
well. that makes me feel better. i accomplished what i set out to do--two years of classics innundation and taking good college classes & finally, being confident in who i am & what i can do (& can't do), & finding people i knew were out there. i knew it.

change that mood to accomplished--pleased--still ready to go to bed, but happier.


...god, i am completely insane. :D

oh for heaven's sake

Sometimes the internet really amuses me. On the ads beside my gmail, there is one that has the headline "Non-Plagerized Papers!" & then continues, "Over 46,000 available, instant download, low price." ...if you're going to be stealing (ok, sorry, buying...not like that makes a difference in any real academic's book) a paper, why are you worrying about the paper's antecedents? You're already plagerizing. Good lord.

In other news I am now formally graduated from special ed! Dr. Earenfight gave our talk, & she was amazing...I am so excited to be in her class all year (!) next year. Also to take drama classes. Oh, fall will rock. I will have so little reading compared to now! I get to design sets! & act! For school! I am thrilled. You probably can't tell. *snerk*

& I am nearly done with my Shakespeare paper...I'm muddling through the conclusion at the moment, trying to tie it all back to the wider context of cross-dressing in Shakespeare's time (yay, men in dresses!).

Also I am using capitals properly, which means I am feeling much better than last night. Ehehehe. (Also grammar. See icon. I am such a nerd.)

I have been listening to the same playlist for about two weeks now...it's my old study music (Pride & Prejudice, Chocolat, Baltimore Consort) with random other things mixed in...a little bit of RENT, a little Pippin, one from Chicago, a couple from Anastasia, & then a few from my loud pop-rock list. It's all quiet & studious & then I'll break out singing along to some musical or other. Part of me is getting a little sick of this music, but most of me doesn't dare change it until everything is done...it's comforting. I'm in a rut, but the rut is moving forward, & it'll all be out of the rut on Friday. Huzzah!