the good (food) the bad (no time) & the ugly (my bruises)

- Over 100 pages of history to read for Wednesday: not good. I'd gotten used to shorter assignments.

- Having no time whatsoever on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesdays to do homework: I hate this. I hate, hate, hate it. It makes everything feel cramped & rushed during the first half of the week, I can't spread anything out, I feel like my life got swallowed by rehersal & the writing center--rehersal is okay, but I'm regretting chalking up so many hours at the wc. Argh. Next quarter I'm going to schedule myself better, to hell with making money.

- Making piroshky last night: good. Tasty, although I like my samosas better.

- Erin making chocolate chip cookies last night: even better. These cookies are like the gods' own food, I swear. Better chocolate chip cookies cannot be found (& yes, that's a challenge, if you like).

- Starting costume unit in design: good. Drawing clothes is easy enough. I don't have to think in that class & I'm enjoying it.

- Looking like a domestic abuse victim: not so good. Ok, it really isn't that bad, & really I'm more amused than anything. I wish I had a digital camera to capture the beauty that is the gray, idaho-shaped bruise on my arm (from my scene partner accidentally kneeling on it during practice in combat) or the gorgeously purple-splotched spot on my knee (from being the graceful freak that I am & walking straight into the set while trying to stalk angrily away from Damien). Queen of grace, that's me.

- Stealing Last Five Years & Dirty Rotten Scoundrels from Andrew: priceless. (Literally, I guess; I love free stuff.) I now have my Norbert Leo Butz Is My Broadway Hero playlist all set out (Erin & I are dorks but we love our Norbert). Dirty Rotten Scoundrels makes me want to be in a silly musical just like it. & Last Five Years makes me wonderfully melancholy & lonely of a sort.


I have to write my paper on Doubt before I forget. Three pages of praise for the production design! Speaking of which, if I haven't already said so, go see Doubt at the Rep--it's phenomenal.

sometimes i really don't understand myself

Every once in a while I go & read my journal entries of a year ago on the same day--I picked it up from leeann_marie--& it's interesting, to look at what I was saying 365 days ago. Today I found this from last year:

Well. Sometimes there are things that I really wish were true, and they just aren't. It would make things so much easier if I could change myself but I can't. Sometimes that really messes me up. (& then I apologize for being cryptic--although as usual I'm sure there's a part of me that enjoys it--& move on.)

& now, a year later? I have no idea what I was talking about. None, whatsoever. It was fall quarter, I wasn't in a play, I was playing ultimate, I didn't even know most of the people who are my best college friends now; what on earth was I possibly referring to? ....clearly, it wasn't that important. It sort of amuses me.

Also, it makes me pleased & rather satisfied that I don't at all feel that way now. I think I grew up a lot since then. At this point anything I want to change about my life is either something I can change, if I work at it (learning my lines, working on my character, working on my writing), or given circumstances in my life that I cannot possibly change now (the fact that I'm working too much, the fact that Dr. E assigned far too much reading this week, the fact that there are a few people I would like very much to see & can't because they're not in my city). Obviously these given circumstances that frustrate me aren't enjoyable to have around; but it is nice, in a roundabout sort of way, to come to the conclusion that I know what they are & I cannot change them. I work with what I have. & really, what I have, and what I am, is pretty damn good.