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once more into the breach dear friends
Oct. 29th, 2006 11:45 pmOh god. I am so terrified. I was at rehersal nearly all day today (when Ki says four she really means five thirty), and it was exhausting. We finally did another full runthrough--which was good, to see the trajectory of the show, or rather, what ought to be the trajectory of the show; what will be the trajectory, if we get our act together.
& in notes I got to realize all over again how much I am scared of this. To work, at all, Irina has to be everything I am not--impulsive, impetuous, childish, wearing her emotions on the outside of her. (I don't do this. I think about things, usually, before I say them; sometimes to the point of not saying them at all.) It's the thing about acting that I always admire in actors I watch, & have always had the hardest time doing myself: that utter letting-go, not holding back onstage. I want to be able to do it; I want to have Ki tell me I've gone too far. But I cannot explain how much it scares me, & I don't even know why. & the other thing that scares me is Ki telling me that the entire third act relies on me & my reactions & that huge, freakishly horrifing fit I have. Sure. No pressure, kid.
God I'm scared. I should be gushing out emotion onstage, not almost crying offstage because I'm so lost. I can do this; I know I can do it. I have to know I can. I'm just not entirely sure how.
& in notes I got to realize all over again how much I am scared of this. To work, at all, Irina has to be everything I am not--impulsive, impetuous, childish, wearing her emotions on the outside of her. (I don't do this. I think about things, usually, before I say them; sometimes to the point of not saying them at all.) It's the thing about acting that I always admire in actors I watch, & have always had the hardest time doing myself: that utter letting-go, not holding back onstage. I want to be able to do it; I want to have Ki tell me I've gone too far. But I cannot explain how much it scares me, & I don't even know why. & the other thing that scares me is Ki telling me that the entire third act relies on me & my reactions & that huge, freakishly horrifing fit I have. Sure. No pressure, kid.
God I'm scared. I should be gushing out emotion onstage, not almost crying offstage because I'm so lost. I can do this; I know I can do it. I have to know I can. I'm just not entirely sure how.
