pipistrellafelix | sorry for the whining.... (Reply)

I'm cold. My fingers are more likely to make typos when they can't bend as easily, but I have to keep the window open because it's just too stuffy in here otherwise, the air nearly choked me--it isn't the heat, really, it's the incredible materiality of the air. And I know that isn't a word, but...it's so thick.

Anyway. Besides my cold fingers. I need to figure out...I don't know...I've been going home so much. I really thought I wanted to get away from home, I wanted to live somewhere else, &c. but....I dunno. After the first few weeks, I'm not very comfortable here. Getting to sleep, mostly, my insommnia is horrible here. But I don't feel...comfortable. It's weird. I can't really explain it.
We looked at a house today--fabulous place, right by the ravine. It was a cool house, a modernist bungalow or something--nifty design. Actually reminded me in parts of Allie's dad's. But I couldn't quite imagine myself living there. This happens nearly every time we look at a house--Mum sees one she thinks is cool, we look, it is an awesome house, and I walk in my front door and think, naw, what could I do here? I've never moved in my life. This is bizarre, and I'm just beginning to realize it. I think it's going to be rather more difficult than I thought. I need company, I don't think I could live on my own...but I'm fairly bad at spending large amounts of time with one person, even my dearest darlings. There are very few people I think I could live with. Bah. I have a few years.

I utterly hate being unmotivated. I ought to be working on my Plato paper--i'truth I should have worked on it last weekend. I just wasn't motivated. It's driving me crazy, the a) amount I have to do, and b) the incredible lack of compulsion to do it. My work ethic has never been so bad. (And I'm supposed to help someone organize their time tomorrow? Sorry, m'dear. We'll see how that one goes. Heh.)
Lately I've just been wanting to curl up in a corner and read Jane Austen. The twilight has been depressing me. It isn't so bad once it's actually dark; right now I'm awake and fine. But it's that time--and so early now!--when it gets dark that sort of discombobulates me. I'm wanting it to be Turkeybreak so I can see my sisters--two of them anyhow--even though that's not quite the same anymore. I still want...I don't know, exactly.

GAWD this post is annoying even me. This is disgusting. I'm going to stop and work now. Really honestly. I will NOT get on AIM, I will NOT poke around the internet, I will NOT read more R/S stories, however adorable they may be. No, No and NO.

In other news, in Washington state, it's illegal to have sex with a virgin, including the wedding night. So, basically, if I'm going to get any legally, I've got to move. (Not that I'm planning on it or anything...er...) More weird sex laws here.

"So you would do the same things today whether you knew you were going to die in a hundred years, or tomorrow?"
"Well...I wouldn't do my laundry." -Michelle, Kareem

"...something you had never done, that you would never get to do if you didn't do it today?"
"You're talking about sex!"

Ah, school...

(Edit: And then I put a piece of dark chocolate in my mouth, and a happy song came on. I'm still annoyed. But I feel better. Funny how that happens.)