pipistrellafelix | ...this is going to be weird, i feel.

Am in a weird mood...probably the result of being sleep deprived and then watching a nearly-three-hour Chekov play (Three Sisters, at Intiman). It was good--the translation was fabulous, the actors were quite spot-on, the set was gorgeous and the music near perfection--but Chekov leaves me feeling weird.

I heard through the theatrical grapevine (read: Shana) that SCT is trying (has been trying for a while) to get the rights to do a mainstage of His Dark Materials. And I thought: Oh my god, LYRA. So, memo to self: Talk to Linda, NOW, about auditions. For serious, I would take quarters off college to be in that, my god. (Second memo: ask if scholarships survive hiatus-for-purpose.) Only I really, really need to work on acting, and I don't know how, I don't know what to do. I hold back onstage; half the time I don't notice it, but even when I do notice it I don't feel like there's anything I can do. I don't feel like I can be vulnerable onstage, and I don't know how to fix that. Blargh. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now.

I don't feel like a writer anymore, either. I haven't written anything but random snips (and few enough of those) in a long, long time. I don't feel inspired, or creative. I want to work, I have the desire to write, but nothing is there. It's pissing me off. And I use the excuse of, Oh, I have no time; but in a way it's true, because when I'm done with HDM and Hugo House I'm exhausted. Which also annoys me. And then, of course, the fact that I'm annnoyed annoys me. And writing about it is annoying me even more, so I'm going to stop. Curses.

5 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
1. my hermia shoes
2. my brown ren skirt
3. my ankh
4. a white tank top
5. ren petticoat

5 THINGS YOU CAN SEE
1. the computer screen
2. a nifty old bell
3. a funny drawing taped to the monitor
4. the front doors
5. my notebook, lacking in writing

5 THINGS YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW
1. typing this
2. flipping my heel in and out of my shoe
3. wishing i had a sweatshirt
4. snuffling the last of my cold away
5. wanting gum

5 CONFESSIONS
1. i feel like i don't know how to do anything right now
2. i have a bad crush on someone but i don't know if i want them to know
3. i have utterly no social skills
4. i don't want to be here
5. i feel stupid

5 REALLY STUPID THINGS YOU HAVE DONE
1. feeling stupid
2. put off doing laundry
3. put off cleaning my room
4. thought too much about my life
5. dreamed too much about what might happen

5 THINGS YOU ATE IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
1. a fajita
2. french toast
3. a turkey sandwich
4. kaya's chocolate chip cookies
5. a world wrapps smoothie

5 THINGS YOU DID SO FAR TODAY
1. ushered at intiman
2. attempted to make my hair presentable (failed)
3. ate food
4. had a headache
5. carried elderly people's walkers

5 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR RIGHT NOW
1. old french jazz
2. the keyboard
3. me almost-coughing
4. an airplane
5. the clattering of the person painting in the back

5 COLORS YOU CAN SEE
1. back
2. brown
3. blue
4. orange
5. gold

5 THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD
1. i need to stop being stupid
2. why the hell do i miss acting when i was onstage last week?
3. i need a shower
4. i'm regretting saying "yes" to the writing center job
5. i don't know how to fix my problems

5 PEOPLE THAT ROCK YOUR SOCKS
1. shana
2. emily t
3. my lovers (haha)
4. sarah and walter (ok, that's two)
5. people in hdm cast

5 FAMOUS PEOPLE YOU WOULD NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MEET
1. johnny depp
2. judi dench
3. todd jefferson moore (he's famous, right?)
4. r. hamilton wright (same thing. OH, he was at the play today! whoo!)
5. diana wynne jones

5 OBJECTS IN YOUR ROOM YOU LOVE
1. my quilt
2. my altar
3. my stuffed wolf
4. my books (er, yeah...one object, sure)
5. my wood box