sorry for the whining....

[pipistrellafelix]

I'm cold. My fingers are more likely to make typos when they can't bend as easily, but I have to keep the window open because it's just too stuffy in here otherwise, the air nearly choked me--it isn't the heat, really, it's the incredible materiality of the air. And I know that isn't a word, but...it's so thick.


Anyway. Besides my cold fingers. I need to figure out...I don't know...I've been going home so much. I really thought I wanted to get away from home, I wanted to live somewhere else, &c. but....I dunno. After the first few weeks, I'm not very comfortable here. Getting to sleep, mostly, my insommnia is horrible here. But I don't feel...comfortable. It's weird. I can't really explain it.
We looked at a house today--fabulous place, right by the ravine. It was a cool house, a modernist bungalow or something--nifty design. Actually reminded me in parts of Allie's dad's. But I couldn't quite imagine myself living there. This happens nearly every time we look at a house--Mum sees one she thinks is cool, we look, it is an awesome house, and I walk in my front door and think, naw, what could I do here? I've never moved in my life. This is bizarre, and I'm just beginning to realize it. I think it's going to be rather more difficult than I thought. I need company, I don't think I could live on my own...but I'm fairly bad at spending large amounts of time with one person, even my dearest darlings. There are very few people I think I could live with. Bah. I have a few years.

I utterly hate being unmotivated. I ought to be working on my Plato paper--i'truth I should have worked on it last weekend. I just wasn't motivated. It's driving me crazy, the a) amount I have to do, and b) the incredible lack of compulsion to do it. My work ethic has never been so bad. (And I'm supposed to help someone organize their time tomorrow? Sorry, m'dear. We'll see how that one goes. Heh.)
Lately I've just been wanting to curl up in a corner and read Jane Austen. The twilight has been depressing me. It isn't so bad once it's actually dark; right now I'm awake and fine. But it's that time--and so early now!--when it gets dark that sort of discombobulates me. I'm wanting it to be Turkeybreak so I can see my sisters--two of them anyhow--even though that's not quite the same anymore. I still want...I don't know, exactly.

GAWD this post is annoying even me. This is disgusting. I'm going to stop and work now. Really honestly. I will NOT get on AIM, I will NOT poke around the internet, I will NOT read more R/S stories, however adorable they may be. No, No and NO.


In other news, in Washington state, it's illegal to have sex with a virgin, including the wedding night. So, basically, if I'm going to get any legally, I've got to move. (Not that I'm planning on it or anything...er...) More weird sex laws here.

"So you would do the same things today whether you knew you were going to die in a hundred years, or tomorrow?"
"Well...I wouldn't do my laundry." -Michelle, Kareem

"...something you had never done, that you would never get to do if you didn't do it today?"
"You're talking about sex!"

Ah, school...

(Edit: And then I put a piece of dark chocolate in my mouth, and a happy song came on. I'm still annoyed. But I feel better. Funny how that happens.)

Comments

[seachild-elf.livejournal.com]

I've never moved in my life either, except to my 'kot' but that's not really moving since I'll be back home next year. But it's nice to have a few friends in the same building, even when I'm not a very social person.

The closest I came to it was changing rooms a few years ago. I'm slightly traumatised by it, I fear. It's all the moths' fault, really.

But there's something about home that always that always draws me, well, home</>. The house knows me, it's were -even unconciously- I can be and am truly me. I always thought it was funny people wanted to get away from home as soon as possible. Not me, I want to stay as long as possible. (Although I suspect I may come to face a problem sooner or later, I doubt my parents are going to give up the home to me... :p)

Go on, curl up in a corner and read! There is something so terribly satisfying about it.

[elanor-two.livejournal.com]

Hehe, this is great, I have you telling me to go home and Phil telling me not to at all. :D

But yes...I know what you mean. I will curl up in a corner and read on the weekend, when I have time.

[seachild-elf.livejournal.com]

Neheheh. No, no, I'm not telling you to go home. I think you know better that me what you should do in this situation. I'm just saying that I can understand you and that I like being home myself, I'm probably insanely attached to it. I like my 'kot' too, there's a definite feel of 'me' there and apart from the guy across the hall who just doesn't seem able to stop with whistling annoyingly it's really nice to be here. But don't they say: home is where the heart is?

[elanor-two.livejournal.com]

Ah. Someone to sympathize. :D

[seachild-elf.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed. :D